Rules Not To Live By

Today’s discussion is about the rules we create for ourselves. We live in a world full of rules, and in addition to the rules that are put in place for us, we tend to create our own rules that we use to as a guide to how we live our lives. In my line of work, my clients tell me every day about the rules that they have broken as a result of lack of willpower, self sabotage, or being in the wrong place at the wrong time. You know, that all too familiar feeling of trying to deprive yourself of something only to cave in and end up feeling terrible about yourself. It often becomes a vicious cycle, with the result being that you beat yourself up over breaking the rules you created. Some examples include efforts to abandon all sugar, alcohol, carbohydrates, fast food, overeating, or to follow a specific exercise program. Chronic dieters do permanent damage to their metabolism. Over-exercising (just like under-exercising) can increase cortisol and other hormones that will make you gain weight. As with most things in life, with regards to health, it is important to strike a balance. Our rules contradict finding balance.
There are a couple of problems with these rules that we make for ourselves. First, it can lead to a real phenomenon called Deprivation Fatigue. We deny ourselves so often that we actually become emotionally drained from living within the confines of our rules. Secondly, when we prohibit ourselves from doing something that gives us pleasure or demand that we do something that causes discomfort, it is inevitable that we will eventually gravitate back to those things that give us pleasure. If this sounds familiar to you, and you find yourself in that cycle of deprivation only to break your own rules and end up feeling bad about yourself and you aren’t any closer to meeting your goals, I have a solution for you.
Instead of creating steadfast rules for your life, live by a set of principles that are aligned with your goals. More on that in a minute, but first… Starting right now, let go of all of those things you “aren’t allowed” to do. Give yourself a free pass to indulge in dessert, eat bread, take an afternoon nap, have a glass of wine, order what you want to eat at the restaurant instead of what you should be eating. Take a moment to visualize how it feels to be free from all your self-imposed restrictions. Next, imagine for a moment that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about you. In fact, the only one that sees you is you. Living under the above two assumptions, you can live however you want to live and no one will judge you for it. You should be overwhelmed with a sense of freedom and permission to be yourself, without denial of pleasure or fear of judgement. This is how each of us should be living, without question.
So in the absence of worrying about being deprived or of being judged by others, you are free to really think about what it is you want for yourself. What circumstances allow you to live your best life? In your best life, how do you feel? How is your health? Does your body do all the things you want it to do? Are there certain aspects of your old rules that you still find useful to living your best life, but without the deprivation and judgement?
In this exercise, allow yourself to have complete control over your thoughts. All the rules you have created may be leading to negative thoughts about yourself. This is counterproductive. Abandon your rules, create principles that guide you to living your best life. The principles you create should be based on all the things that make you feel good.
What you may discover is that some of your old rules had validity. For instance, if every time you eat ice cream you feel sick and bloated, maybe your reason for giving up ice cream should be because it makes you feel bad… not because you aren’t allowed to have it. Give yourself the freedom to make decisions based on what is best for you. Maybe you dread going to the gym, but force yourself to go anyways. Wouldn’t a better principle be to find something that you do enjoy, maybe its walking or biking outdoors, so you get pleasure from it? The principles you create should be based on doing what leads to the best you possible while providing as much pleasure as possible.
Live without rules, change your mind, and change your life!

Thanks for reading…